If the trap is in choosing from liking and disliking, what is the way out? To stop choosing?
It cannot be. No one can live without choosing. We must choose what to eat, what to say, and what is right.
The way out is to let the reach of our care grow larger than the reach of our likes. The old teachers call this being all-inclusive. Not I will care for those I like, but I will care for all. Not I will give my full effort to what I enjoy, but I will give it to whatever is in front of me.
The word needs care. Inclusion does not mean liking everyone, which no one can do, or agreeing with everyone, which no one should. It means that liking and disliking are no longer allowed to decide two things: whom we care for, and how fully we give ourselves to the work in front of us. Our preferences may remain. They lose their vote.
Action of this kind does not come out of the warehouse. It does not walk an old path of liking or disliking, so it does not wear that path deeper. It adds no box. It carries no push of old habit and no knot of me against them. In such a heart there is no friend and no foe. Everyone sits in the same row.
The langar, the free kitchen of the Guru, is built on this idea. All who come sit on the floor in the same rows and are served the same food. The rich sit beside the poor, the stranger beside the neighbour, the one who once did you wrong beside the one who loves you. The one serving does not pick whose plate gets bread. The row itself is the teaching.
The best-known example in Sikh memory comes from the siege of Anandpur. A Sikh named Bhai Kanhaiya carried water to the wounded on the battlefield. The other Sikhs saw him give water to the wounded of the attacking army as well, and they brought him before Guru Gobind Singh. The Guru asked if it was true. Bhai Kanhaiya answered that when he walked the field he saw neither Sikh nor enemy. He saw only the Guru's own face, in every man. The Guru blessed him, gave him a healing salve, and told him to dress their wounds too.
That example guards against a mistake. Inclusion does not mean giving up the difference between right and wrong. It does not mean letting the strong hurt the weak. Guru Gobind Singh stood against those who were doing harm, and in the same battle he blessed the man who gave them water. To stand for what is right and to hold no hatred can live together in one heart. It is among the hardest things a person can learn. It may be the most beautiful.
Guru Arjan wrote what happened to him in the company of the holy.
ਬਿਸਰਿ ਗਈ ਸਭ ਤਾਤਿ ਪਰਾਈ ॥
bisar gaī sabh tāt parāī |
All my jealousy of others is forgotten,
ਜਬ ਤੇ ਸਾਧਸੰਗਤਿ ਮੋਹਿ ਪਾਈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
jab te sādhasaṅgat moh pāī |1| rahāu |
since I found the company of the holy.
ਨਾ ਕੋ ਬੈਰੀ ਨਹੀ ਬਿਗਾਨਾ ਸਗਲ ਸੰਗਿ ਹਮ ਕਉ ਬਨਿ ਆਈ ॥੧॥
nā ko bairī nahī bigānā sagal saṅg ham kau ban āī |1|
No one is my enemy, and no one is a stranger. I get along with everyone.
ਸਭ ਮਹਿ ਰਵਿ ਰਹਿਆ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਏਕੈ ਪੇਖਿ ਪੇਖਿ ਨਾਨਕ ਬਿਗਸਾਈ ॥੩॥
sabh mah rav rahiā prabh ekai pekh pekh nānak bigasāī |3|
The One God fills everyone. Seeing Him again and again, Nanak blossoms.
Guru Arjan, Raag Kanra, Ang 1299
In Sukhmani Sahib he drew the portrait of one who lives this way, the brahm giani, the one who knows God.
ਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਗਿਆਨੀ ਸਦਾ ਨਿਰਲੇਪ ॥
braham giānī sadā niralep |
The knower of God is forever unattached,
ਜੈਸੇ ਜਲ ਮਹਿ ਕਮਲ ਅਲੇਪ ॥
jaise jal mah kamal alep |
like the lotus that stays untouched in the water.
Sukhmani Sahib, ashtpadi 8
ਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਗਿਆਨੀ ਕੈ ਮਿਤ੍ਰ ਸਤ੍ਰੁ ਸਮਾਨਿ ॥
braham giānī kai mitr satr samān |
To the knower of God, friend and foe are the same;
ਬ੍ਰਹਮ ਗਿਆਨੀ ਕੈ ਨਾਹੀ ਅਭਿਮਾਨ ॥
braham giānī kai nāhī abhimān |
the knower of God carries no pride.
Sukhmani Sahib, ashtpadi 8
ਜਿਉ ਬਸੁਧਾ ਕੋਊ ਖੋਦੈ ਕੋਊ ਚੰਦਨ ਲੇਪ ॥
jiu basudhā koū khodai koū chandan lep |
like the earth, dug up by one and anointed with sandal by another.
ਜੈਸੇ ਰਾਜ ਰੰਕ ਕਉ ਲਾਗੈ ਤੁਲਿ ਪਵਾਨ ॥
jaise rāj raṅk kau lāgai tul pavān |
as the wind blows equally on the king and the poor beggar.
Sukhmani Sahib, ashtpadi 8
The earth does not choose between the one who digs it and the one who anoints it. It holds them both. The wind does not ask who deserves a breeze. It blows on everyone.
Guru Tegh Bahadur drew the same person from within.
ਜੋ ਨਰੁ ਦੁਖ ਮੈ ਦੁਖੁ ਨਹੀ ਮਾਨੈ ॥
jo nar dukh mai dukh nahī mānai |
The one who, in pain, is not ruled by the pain,
ਸੁਖ ਸਨੇਹੁ ਅਰੁ ਭੈ ਨਹੀ ਜਾ ਕੈ ਕੰਚਨ ਮਾਟੀ ਮਾਨੈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
sukh sanehu ar bhai nahī jā kai kañchan māṭī mānai |1| rahāu |
who is not chained by love of comfort or by fear, and sees gold and dirt as the same;
ਨਹ ਨਿੰਦਿਆ ਨਹ ਉਸਤਤਿ ਜਾ ਕੈ ਲੋਭੁ ਮੋਹੁ ਅਭਿਮਾਨਾ ॥
nah nindiā nah usatat jā kai lobh mohu abhimānā |
who is moved neither by insult nor by praise, and is free of greed, clinging and pride;
ਹਰਖ ਸੋਗ ਤੇ ਰਹੈ ਨਿਆਰਉ ਨਾਹਿ ਮਾਨ ਅਪਮਾਨਾ ॥੧॥
harakh sog te rahai niārau nāh mān apamānā |1|
who stays apart from both thrill and gloom, from honour and from insult.
…
ਗੁਰ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਜਿਹ ਨਰ ਕਉ ਕੀਨੀ ਤਿਹ ਇਹ ਜੁਗਤਿ ਪਛਾਨੀ ॥
gur kirapā jih nar kau kīnī tih ih jugat pachhānī |
The one the Guru has blessed with grace has found this way.
ਨਾਨਕ ਲੀਨ ਭਇਓ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿਉ ਜਿਉ ਪਾਨੀ ਸੰਗਿ ਪਾਨੀ ॥੩॥
nānak līn bhaio gobind siu jiu pānī saṅg pānī |3|
Nanak says: that one melts into God as water melts into water.
Guru Tegh Bahadur, Raag Sorath, Ang 633
The line that matters most is the second to last. The one the Guru has blessed with grace has found this way. Inclusion is not a trick learned by gritting the teeth. It grows as grace grows.